toppoblog: Gone Global

On topp'o the World.

At the weekend that's just passed I received a great deal of feedback from my fellow Glaswegians with regards to toppoblog. The reviews were mixed, but overall positive. One fellow said he loved it, one girl said: "I liked your thing about...unicycles was it?", so she was perhaps just being polite (which is fine by me), and a local poet criticized my choice of template.

I thought the template comment was strange too but on reflection I realise this was just some sound constructive criticism. At the time, however, I was defensive, offended and took it as personal assault on my family crest. I had rolled up my sleeves and adopted the traditional Victorian boxing stance and was challenging the man to some fisty cuffs.
Then I realised it was out of love, not disrespect, and forgave him.

What topped off my night was the taxi driver informing me that he is a massive fan of the blog and that I'm a "real man of the people".

So overall, I felt touched that people had cared to comment. Not emotionally, but physically; as if someone were touching me. The pleasure was intense and I just want to feel chronically touched. 

Oh and just to let you know, the interview with Rachelle Kruger was real.

But yeah, the purpose of this post is because I glanced at my stats and realised that so far this week I've had a visit from Bahrain.

In that country right now people are being shot in the street for protesting. I'm starting to feel like I have some sort of involvement with the Arab world's uprising. Funny though,  I'm trying to picture it in my mind, the idea of someone in that civil-war torn part of the world taking some time out to read toppoblog.

I mean, is it a member of the Al Khalifa family? Have they googled: "what would Neil Tennant do?"? Is it a rebel leader? Has someone been at gun point and made one final request: "No, no cigarette for me, get me toppoblog on that dial-up connection...NOW!"...?

There's not really many more possible logical explanations that I can think of, so it must be one of the above.

The fate of the computer after displaying my controversial blog

Although, a wild-card possibility is that a family traded all their belongings and gave their eldest son, Khalid, money to flee via plane to Qatar. Khalid, being a rebellious teen who appreciated the majesty of British Victorian craftsmanship, was searching for information on Penny Farthings. After reading my inspirational review, he chose to spend his family's savings on a PF, and is going to cycle out of Bahrain instead.


Anyway...enough drivel.

Upcoming events to feel aroused about:

Launching a website soon, will be super fancy.

(Merchandise will be for sale, such as mugs, t-shirts and bum-bags that say "WWNTD?" - "What Would Neil Tennant Do?", for example).

There will of course be signed naked photographs of myself.

Toppsy

X

An Appeal.

For those victims of the Kelvin Grove Riots - you'll pull through.

Neil Tennant has agreed to duet with the lucky raffle winner in his classic, Numb:

Pet Shop Boys - Numb:

Tickets are a mere pound.

Even if we only raise one, it's one more than none...think about that.




Toppsy

X

The Highs and Lows.

The Highs and Lows of my Week

The Highs

Having the £5.95 Munchy Box for breakfast.

The Cafe India on Great Western Road's incredible Munchy Box.

It included:

• Doner Meat, 
• Chips,
• Chicken, Vegetable and Mushroom Pakora, 
• Spicy Fritters,
• Salad,
• Soft drink of my choice

It was actually so good, and reflecting on it is making me hungry again.


But why the stigma? Why does society hate Doner meat so much? Do they not believe in magic?

Even the man who sold it to me shook his head slowly in disappointment.

"Why?!" he bellowed, teary eyed, as he kneaded the meat with his bear hands.
"You are from a good family, why bring this shame upon their name?".

I embraced him.

"Fear not my brother, for this meat is misunderstood. Follow me into the light and and you shall live forever in the valley of peace", I replied.

I instructed him to slice thirteen ribbons of doner meat, and to keep a slither for himself and the other 12 disciples.

"The doner is my body, and the sauce my blood. Eat and drink, and I shall be with you forever."


"I will be crucified on a rotating kebab skewer. But don't worry, I'll roll back a rock and in the future they'll eat chocolate eggs in my memory".

I reckon they should rebrand doner meat. If they don't, I'm going to:

• Put the price up to a tenner
• Wrap it in goldleaf
• Sponsor Mercedes

Fast Facts: 

• A research study found it to be the best possible thing you can eat to restore your liver after drinking alcohol, which perhaps explains why you only really crave it after a drink.

BBC Radio 2

Never thought much of radio really, till I realised this week that I LOVE Radio 2.

The music selection is varied, and not once has a song been played that I didn't like.

The news coverage and the topics for the phone ins are great too. Always coincidentally about things of particular interest to me. For example, they had a debate about blogging, and whether or not it is good for you. The conclusion was negative.

It's changed me too. My favourite song at the moment is by Tim McGraw:

Click to open in YouTube

And I shazamed a song, which turned out to be Get in Line, by Ron Sexsmith:

Click to open in YouTube

I think I might get a mortgage, kids and buy a Ford Mondeo now. Does that mean giving up doner meat?

The Lows

Uploading Cats :(

Inspired by Twin Peaks I recorded myself speaking to a cat.

Only when I woke up a few hours later did I realise I UPLOADED THE VIDEOS.

Got 53 views. WOOPS.

Maybe the controversy will have long term gains.

Got Framed

At work, went to go for a pee.

A shadowy figure leaps out the toilet and exits the building (Probably a delivery man)

I naively enter the place.

SHOCK AND HORROR.

He didn't flush.

I then flee out of horror.

The women in the next office then runs in to communicate that she rly needs a pee!

There's brief silence followed by a few flushes.

WHAT MUST SHE THINK?!!

The next day I was locking up and to make sure I didn't lock anyone in, from the hallway I said:

"Hello?"

Hadn't spoken to anyone all day so voice was croaky.

"What?" she replied from the next room

"I just didn't want to lock you in" I croaked.

SILENCE.

My highs and lows.

Toppsy

X

Statement

A few people have complained that I haven't made any recent posts (that's 3 people out of a potential readership of 5).

The tone of voice and the facial expressions were disapproving, like when you have a draw of a cigarette after not touching a single one for nearly 2 years.

Fear not fans,  for the only reason I've not "blogged" since Sunday is because I've not been hungover since then. It's only then that I can think clearly

Whilst lathering myself in a bubbley bath today, smoking a Cuban and listening to my own cover of George Michael's - Careless Whisper (available now on iTunes)  I realised that if i don't make a blog entry by the end of this weekend then I can't claim this is a weekly thing anymore, and a monthly would be pointless and boring.

I just want people to feel intellectually stimulated and sexually aroused at the same time.

It's tough!

I'm hoping people will appreciate it enough, that I can have more than 3 people following this. ffs it's embarassing. Although I've had 244 views this week, which isn't bad going?

Something will be written by the end of this weekend.

Toppsy

X

Genesis.

I have a lot on my mind. Things, any respectable man should keep to himself.

I am however, not a man. I am animal, beast even. Well, at least I've been told I'm a bit of an animal ;).

No, not in the sexy way, but in the concerned way.

You'd call me animal too if you caught me down a lane in the red light district on a Monday night, Casandra in one arm, Bliss in the other, around 4 am, eating steaming hot donner meat laced with black-pudding (WITH MY BARE HANDS) washed down with bovril, mostly streaming down each side of my face, staining my white linen suit. Fortunate then that a stream of bog-roll is stuck to my shoe...so I can use it to absorb the spillage, and keep some for laters.

So this is why I'm doing this. I believe that to rid my mind of all my stresses will not only benefit myself, but society as a whole. After all, "we're all in this together".

This blog shall follow "no rules" or have any general theme, unless I can think of one, but rather just a "puurrreeee raaannddddommm" set of posts, that I will perhaps never share with anyone. If you are reading this and you are NOT Paul Toppin, then I've obviously foolishly yet buzzingly chosen to:

>>GO LIVE!<<

 R.I.P. Biggie Smalls.

Toppsy


X